Bakemonogatari: Hitagi Crab 002

When I asked, Hanekawa crooked her head. "Senjogahara-san? What about her?"

"Well, um..." I wasn't sure what to say. "I was just curious."

"Hunh."

"I mean, Senjogahara Hitagi's kind of a weird name."

"Senjogahara's a place, you know."

"Ah, no, not that name. I meant the other one."

"Senjogahara's given name is Hitagi, right? Is it that unusual? It's from a civil engineering term, isn't it?"

"You know everything."

"I do not. I only know what I know."

Hanekawa didn't completely buy my explanation, but instead of asking more questions, she just said, "It isn't like you to be interested in others, Araragi-kun."

"Gimme a break," I said.

Hanekawa Tsubasa.

She was the class president.

In fact, she looked exactly like a class president - neatly braided hair, glasses, great posture, neatly groomed, very serious...all the teachers loved her. A type quickly becoming an endangered species even in manga and anime. As if she had been class president her entire life, and would find a way to be class president in spirit as long as she lived, even after she graduated. The class president to end all class presidents. People said it was as if God himself had designed her to be the ideal class president. And by people I mean me.

We'd been in different classes our first two years, and had only just become classmates a month before. But I had known about her all along. Everybody did. Senjogahara's grades were among the best in the school, but Hanekawa's were the best in the school. In all subjects, on all tests, 100%. Her second year first semester finals in particular were the stuff of legend -- in all subjects, including gym and art, she missed exactly one problem...an extra credit question from Japanese History. She was a monster. You hear about people like that whether you've met them or not.

And.

To my dismay, albeit my good fortune, Hanekawa was incredibly good at taking care of endlessly exasperating things. She was a genuinely good person. And a very headstrong one, which is where the dismay comes in. As earnest types are wont to do, once she had made up her mind that decision could not be shaken. I had first met her over spring break, and no sooner than she learned we were in the same class did she declare that she was going to rehabilitate me.

I wasn't a troublemaker or anything. I didn't cause any problems. I was just sitting in class, minding my own business. So her declaration felt like Zeus had thrown a lightning bolt aimed directly at me. No matter how much I protested I was unable to convince her to abandon the notion, and before I knew it, I was the class vice president, and today I was here after hours forced to plan what our class was doing for the Culture Festival in mid-June.

"We don't have to do anything too intense for the Culture Festival. We're supposed to be concentrating on our exams, after all," Hanekawa said.

This clear delineation of priorities was part of why she was the class president to end all class presidents.

"There isn't much point in putting out a survey that's too vague, so we should narrow it down ahead of time and let them pick from the list of candidates."

"Sounds good. Creates the illusion of democracy."

"Must you always be so prickly, Araragi-kun?"

"I'm not prickly. Nor am I pointy."

"Why don't we start like this -- Araragi-kun, what did your class do last year and the year before?"

"Haunted house and a cafe."

"Standard. Too standard. You might even call them average."

"Yeah."

"You might even go so far as common."

"That's going too far."

"Ah ha ha."

"Nothing wrong with taking the easy way out. We're supposed to be having fun with it, after all. Hmm. Now that I think back, Senjogahara skipped both Culture Festivals."

Last year...and the year before.

Not just the Culture Festivals - she never once attended anything outside of the regular classes. Sports festival, class trips, camping, field trips, she skipped them all. Her doctors must have stopped her -- I assume. Seems strange in hindsight. Being banned from exercise is one thing, but from all activities? That's downright strange.

But maybe...

If I hadn't been imagining things...

If Senjogahara really didn't weigh anything...

Outside of class, in a more chaotic environment, where she might bump up against people unexpectedly...I could see why she'd want to avoid that.

"Are you really that into her?"

"No, not like that, but..."

"Men. They all go for the sick ones. Such beasts, the lot of you," Hanekawa teased.

Not a side of her I saw a lot.

"Sick, hunh..."

I suppose she was.

But was that a disease?

Was that all it was?

If you said she was so weak she'd lost weight, that would make sense, but this was way beyond that kind of weight loss.
No matter how thin a girl she was, she'd fallen all the way down a flight of stairs. I could very easily have hurt myself catching her.

But there was no impact at all.

"But you must know Senjogahara-san better than me. You've been in the same class all three years."

"Yeah, I have...but sometimes girls know more about girls than guys do."

"We do, but usually things we can't very go around telling guys."

"I know."

Of course I did.

"Then let me ask as the class vice president. In your capacity as class president, what do you make of her?"

"If you put it like that," she said (her hand never once stopped moving, writing and erasing ideas from a list of Culture Fair candidates), "Senjogahara's name might be a bit war-like, but she's a good student, and never causes problems. She's smart, and she never skips out on cleaning duty."

"Yeah. I know that much myself. I'm looking for something I don't know."

"But I've only been in class with her a month. I guess I just don't know. Especially with Golden Week in the middle."

"Golden Week, hunh?"

"Mm? What about it?"

"Nothing. Go on."

"Okay. She's not really talkative...and it doesn't seem like she has any friends. I've tried talking to her a few times, but it's like she's put up walls around herself."

Wow. She'd actually tried.

I'd suspected she had, which is why I'd asked her.

"It's hard," Hanekawa said.

Grimly.

"She was so much more cheerful and outgoing in junior high."

"You went to the same school as her?"

"Mm? Isn't that why you asked me?"

She seemed genuinely taken aback.

"Yeah, I did. Kiyokaze Junior High. Public school. We weren't in the same class, but Senjogahara-san was pretty famous."

More than you? I almost asked. I just barely stopped myself in time. Hanekawa loathed being treated like she was famous. She apparently viewed herself as a very ordinary, unremarkable girl...perhaps a little more serious than most. A very unrealistic self-image, if you ask me, but she fervently believed that anyone could be like her if they just studied harder.

"She was very beautiful, and good at sports."

"She was an athlete?"

"Star of the track team. Left a few school records in her wake."

"Wow."

So her condition came about after that.

Seeing her now, it was hard to imagine Senjogahara had ever been outgoing or athletic.

"So I've certainly heard things about her."

"Such as?"

"She had a reputation as being super friendly. Nice to everyone. Almost too good to be true, the way peopled talked about her. And she worked really hard. Her dad was a big shot at an international company, so her house was amazing, and she was clearly rich, but she never seemed stuck up at all. As if she were born great, and trying to be greater."

"Sounds amazing."

Sure, half of that was exaggerated.

Rumors being what they were.

"Of course, this is all back then."

"..and now?"

"Her health failed her, apparently. Before she entered high school. Honestly, I was shocked when I saw her. She simply isn't the kind of person who sits alone in the corner. At least, not in my mind."

Not that Hanekawa's mind allowed for it.

But people change.

Junior high and high school are like different planets. For me, and for Hanekawa as well, I'm sure. Senjogahara was the same. Maybe something happened to her, maybe she had just gotten sick. There were any number of reasons for the change in her. Why she stopped being cheerful, stopped being friendly. The weaker you get physically, the harder it is to keep your mind strong. Especially if it meant giving up what you loved. It made sense. It would probably have been true.

If it weren't for this morning...

I would have been sure of it.

"But...and I probably shouldn't say this. Senjogahara-san...she's..."

"She's what?"

"She's much more beautiful now."

She let that hang for a moment.

"Her very existence...seems so delicate."

Can you blame me for falling silent?

What she meant...

Her existence...was delicate.

Like she was barely there.

Like a ghost?

Senjogahara Hitagi.

A sick girl.

A girl who weighed nothing.

Rumors...stories.

Urban legends.

Ghost stories.

Idle gossip.

Half-truths.

"Oh, crap...I just remembered."

"Mm?"

"Oshino asked me to come by today."

"Oshino-san did? Why?"

"Help him out a bit."

"Oh? Well..." Hanekawa frowned.

The sudden change of topic -- a blatant attempt to end the conversation, really -- had clearly aroused her suspicions. Helping him out was a fairly evasive excuse, as well. This is why smart people are hard to deal with.

They sometimes don't want to take the hint.

I stood up, forcing things along. "So I'd better be off. Can I leave the rest to you, Hanekawa?"

"If you promise to make it up to me, I'll let you go. You can't very well keep Oshino-san waiting," she relented, at last.

Oshino's name had done the trick. Hanekawa owed him a lot. As did I. And she was not one to forget things like that. Which is exactly why I'd dropped his name here. It wasn't entirely a lie, but...

"You don't mind me deciding all the candidates myself? I'll let you glance over them first."

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Say hi to Oshino."

"Will do."

I left the room.