Bakemonogatari: Hitagi Crab 006

Our home town was on the fringes of the suburbs.

At night it was very dark. Pitch black. The abandoned building was so distant from daylight it seemed the same inside or out.

I'd been born and raised here so this did not seem strange, did not seem mystifying in any way -- in fact, it was the normal order of things, the natural way of the world -- but Oshino had traveled far and wide, and he said that discrepancy was the root of many problems.

It was nice having the roots so easily found.

According to him, anyway.

At any rate...

It was just after midnight.

Senjogahara and I rode back to the ruined cram school. She had taken a cushion from her home and attached it to her seat on the back of the bike.

We'd eaten nothing, and were hungry.

I parked the bike in the same place, and we slipped through the gap in the fence. Oshino was waiting for us outside the door.

As if he'd been there the whole time.

"...eh?"

Oshino's clothing seemed to surprise Senjogahara.

He was wearing white holy robes -- jōe. He'd even combed his hair; he looked like a different person. One not at all slovenly.

Clothes make the man.

Why did he seem creepier like this?

"Oshino-san...you're a priest?"

"No, not at all?" he said. "Neither priest nor monk. Went to school for it, but never got a job. It was complicated."

"Complicated?"

"Personal reasons. Boils down to just getting sick of it all. The clothes serve the same function as yours. I just didn't have anything else clean. We're meeting a god here, so I've got to clean up, same as you. Set the right tone. Tone is important. When I fought Araragi-kun, I had a cross in one hand, a bunch of garlic hanging off me, and some Holy Water. Fit the situation. I may not have much use for manners, but I know what I'm doing here. You won't catch me waving a wand around and scattering salt on your head."

"O-okay," Senjogahara said.

It was certainly a surprise seeing him like this, but her reaction seemed a bit too strong. Why?

"You look nice and purified. Good. Just to be sure, you're not wearing make-up?"

"I didn't think it would be a good idea, so no."

"Good. Right decision. You took a shower too, Araragi-kun?"

"Yeah. No problem there."

It was a necessary step if I was going to sit in on things. I avoided mentioning Senjogahara's attempt to peek on me in the shower.

"Yet you look exactly the same."

"Yeah, yeah."

Since I was just an observer, I had not changed clothes at all. Of course I looked the same.

"Let's get this over with. Prepared a space upstairs."

"A space?"

"Yes."

Oshino vanished into the darkness inside. Even in white clothes he was swallowed instantly. Once again, I took Senjogahara's hand, and led her after him.

"'Let's get this over with?' Not exactly taking this seriously, then?" I asked.

"What's that supposed to mean? I've dragged two young kids out to a deserted location in the middle of the night. My responsibility to get you back home and in bed as soon as I can."

"I was just wondering it we can really kick this crab's ass that easily."

"What a violent proposition, Araragi-kun. Did something good happen?" Oshino said, not even glancing back. "It's not like you and Shinobu-chan, or Class President-chan and the sex cat. And don't forget, I'm a pacifist. I normally avoid violence at all costs. You and Class President-chan were both targeted maliciously, but that doesn't apply to this crab."

"It doesn't?"

If there was a victim, didn't that imply malice, imply hostility?

"Like I said, we're dealing with a god. Gods are just there. They don't do anything. They simply exist. Just like you simply go home after school. It's her own fault this happened."

No harm. No assault.

No possession.

'Her own fault' was not the nicest way to put it, but Senjogahara said nothing. Either it made sense to her, or she had steeled herself to take whatever he might say, mindful of what we were about to do.

"So we won't be banishing it or kicking its ass, Araragi-kun. Put that kind of thing out of your mind. We are going to ask it for a favor. Ask for its mercy."

"Ask it...?"

"Yes."

"Will it agree to that? Will it just give Senjogahara her weight back?"

"Can't say for sure, but probably. Not like wandering by a shrine on New Year's, after all. They're not so indifferent they'd ignore an earnest entreaty. Gods are always looking at the big picture. Japanese gods are particularly out of it. They care about humanity as a whole, maybe, but as individuals? They don't really notice us. We don't matter at all. They can't tell me apart from you apart from Shinobu-chan. Age, gender, weight -- doesn't matter. We're all just 'human.' We're all the same thing."

The same thing.

Not just similar. The same.

"Hmm. Very different from curses."

"So," Senjogahara said, as if she'd been trying to work up the nerve to ask. "Is the crab...nearby?"

"Yeah. Nearby, near to everywhere. But to make it come here, we need to do some things."

We reached the third floor.

And went into one of the classrooms.

The entire room was covered in Shinto holy ropes. All the desks and chairs had been removed, and in front of the chalkboard was an alter. An offering placed on the stand. It didn't look like something hastily thrown together while we were gone. Lamps were lit in the corners, bathing the room in soft light.

"A barrier, basically. Makeshift holy ground. Nothing fancy. You can relax," he said, looking at Senjogahara.

"I am...relaxed."

"Good to hear." We stepped inside. "Both of you -- lower your gaze, and keep your head down."

"Eh?"

"You're before a god."

We all stood before the alter.

This was so different from how we'd dealt with mine, or with Hanekawa's. I was the one who wasn't relaxed. The air felt tense -- so tense it could drive a man mad.

I hunkered down.

Ready for anything.

I was not religious; like most people my age, I could barely tell the difference between Shinto and Buddhism, but there was a part of me, instinct or something similar, that reacted to times like this.

To this time.

And place.

"Um, Oshino..."

"What, Araragi-kun?"

"I was just thinking...given the situation and this whole space you've made...should I even be here? Just feel like I'm in the way."

"You won't be. I doubt there'll be any problems, but just in case there is... You gotta think about what might happen in a just-in-case scenario. That happens, you'll need to shield her."

"I will?"

"What else is that immortal body for?"

"....................."

That certainly was a good line, but I was pretty sure that wasn't what it was for.

And I wasn't immortal any more.

"Araragi-kun," Senjogahara said. "You will protect me, won't you?"

"When did you become a princess!?"

"Oh, come on. You were planning on killing yourself tomorrow anyway."

"That didn't last long."

That was the sort of them you wouldn't even say behind someone's back, but she'd just said it to my face. I might have to give some serious thought to figuring out what terrible sin I'd committed in a previous life to deserve such vicious spite.

"I'm not asking you to do it for free."

"What'll you give me?"

"You want a material reward? How shallow. I'm not exaggerating when I say that single question encompasses all your failings as a human being."

"...so what'll you do for me?"

"Let's see...I suppose I'll abandon my plan to spread a rumor that you're such a creep you tried to equip Nera with the slave clothes when you played Dragon Quest V."

"I never did!"

And she'd planned to tell everyone?

How heartless.

"It should have been obvious you couldn't put those on her. Even a monkey would know that. No, I suppose in your case it would be 'even a dog', right?"

"Hang on! You might be acting like you just said something terribly clever, but has there been a single description of me this entire time that suggested I resembled a dog in any way?"

"True," Senjogahara laughed. "It wouldn't be fair to the dog."

"......................!!"

Even a cliche line like that could be devastating when used with such impeccable timing. This woman truly was a master insulter.

"Very well. Be a coward, run away with your tail between your legs. Go home and do what you always do: sit alone and pretend to be tasered."

"What kind of sick pastime is that!?"

How many malicious rumors was she planning to start?

"When you reach my level, the likes of you cannot hope to hide anything. I know all your deepest dullest secrets."

"You used the wrong word and somehow made it worse!? Are you blackmailing the universe!?"

I wouldn't put it past her.

I'd definitely rather have dark secrets than dull ones.

"Anyway, Oshino, instead of using me, you could use the vamp...Shinobu. Like we did with Hanekawa."

"Shinobu's already gone beddy bye," Oshino said.

"......................"

A vampire that slept at night.

That was so sad.

Oshino took the offering of sake off the alter, and handed it to Senjogahara.

"Um...what do I...?" she stammered.

"Drinking alcohol decreases the distance between us and gods. It'll help you relax a little, anyway."

"...I'm underage."

"No need to drink that much. Just a sip."

"...................."

She stared at him for a long moment, and then took a drink. He took the cup from her hands, and placed it back on the alter.

"Okay. First, let's calm ourselves."

Facing forwards...

His back to Senjogahara, Oshino spoke.

"We begin by being calm. Mood is important. If we create a proper space, the ritual itself is not a problem -- it all boils down to how you feel."

"How I feel...?"

"Relax. Let your guard down. This is your place. A place where you belong. Put your head down, close your eyes, and count. One. Two. Three."

Perhaps...

I didn't need to follow suit, but I chose to. I closed my eyes, and counted with her. As I did, I realized...

This was all to set the tone.

Oshino's clothes, the ropes, the alter, the shower -- all designed to put Senjogahara in the necessary frame of mind.

Hypnotic suggestion.

He was basically hypnotizing her.

Take away her self-consciousness, relax her guard, and convince her to trust him -- his approach was different, but he'd had to go through much the same process with me and with Hanekawa. Salvation was for those who believed -- in other words, the first step was to get Senjogahara to accept things.

Senjogahara herself had said...

She only half trusted him.

But...

That wasn't enough.

She needed more.

Trust was important.

This was what Oshino meant when he said he would not save her, but she would save herself.

I opened my eyes.

Looked around.

Torches.

Flickering in the corners.

Wind from the window.

The lights flickering, ready to vanish in the first strong gust.

But they did not.

"Are we calm?"

"Yes."

"Then time for some questions. Answer the questions I ask you. What's your name?"

"Senjogahara Hitagi."

"Your school?"

"Naoetsu High School."

"Your birthday?"

"July 7th."

His questions were pointless, their contents without meaning.

Question after question.

The pace never changing.

Oshino's back to her.

Senjogahara's eyes closed, her head down.

Her face turned towards the floor.

The room so quiet you could hear us breathing, almost hear our hearts beating.

"Your favorite writer?"

"Yumeno Kyusaku."

"A mistake you made as a child?"

"I don't want to answer that."

"An old song you like?"

"I don't listen to music."

"What did you think when you graduated elementary school?"

"I was just moving to a different school. Public school to public school."

"What was your first crush like?"

"I don't want to answer that."

"What was the most painful moment," Oshino said, his tone never changing, "in your life?"

"........................."

Senjogahara failed to answer.

She did not refuse. She just fell silent.
I could tell this was the only question that had mattered.

"What's wrong? The most painful thing you can remember."

"...my..."

Clearly, she could not stay silent.

She could not refuse to answer.

The mood did not allow it.

This space did not permit it.

She'd been led here to answer.

"My mother..."

"Your mother?"

"Joined a cult."

And a particularly bad one.

She told me earlier...

...how her mother emptied her bank account, took out loans, drove them into financial ruin. How even after the divorce, her father was working overtime every day, barely sleeping, trying to pay off those loans.

Was this her most painful memory?

Worse than losing her weight?

Of course.

Of course it was worse.

But...it...

It was...

"Is that all?"

"...all?"

"It's not very much. Japanese laws guarantee religious freedom. Freedom to believe what you want is a fundamental human right. Whatever your mother believes, whatever she worships, the only difference is methodology."

"......................"

"In other words...it's not enough," Oshino insisted. "Tell me what happened."

"What hap...m-my mother...for me. She joined the cult, they tricked her..."

"What happened after your mother joined the cult?"

After.

Senjogahara bit her lip.

"S-she brought a man from the cult home with her."

"A man from the cult. What did he do?"

"A-a purification ritual, he said."

"Purification? Purifying what?"

"He said he...had to purify me." She could barely get the words out. "Th-then he assaulted me."

"Assaulted. Violently? Or...sexually?"

"...sexually. Th-that man..." Senjogahara forced herself to say it. "He tried to rape me."

"...I see," Oshino nodded.

The way Senjogahara...

...was so oddly protective of herself.

Trusted no one.

Was so defensive and so aggressive.

This explained all of it.

And why she'd reacted like that when she saw Oshino in those robes.

To her eyes, they must not have been that different from what the cult wore.

"Even though he was a priest."

"That's a Buddhist perspective. There are religions that allow murder, within the family. Beliefs are not universal. But you said 'tried' -- was he not successful?"

"I grabbed my cleats, and hit him."

"...brave."

"He started bleeding. Writhing in pain."

"And you were safe?"

"I was safe."

"Good."

"But my mother didn't help me."

She'd watched the whole thing.

Senjogahara's voice never wavered.

Never faltered.

"She yelled at me."

"Is that all?"

"No. Because I hurt that man...my mother..."

"...was penalized?" Oshino cut ahead of her.

Even I could have guessed the answer, but...it seemed to work on Senjogahara.

"Yes," she said, nodding solemnly.

"Her daughter hurt a church official. Not surprising."

"Right. That's why...all our money. Our home. Our property. All the loans. She destroyed our family. Completely ruined it, ruined everything, but she kept on destroying things. She still is."

"Where is she now?"

"I don't know."

"You must know."

"I'm sure...she's still with them."

"She still believes."

"She never learned. She feels no shame."

"That hurts?"

"It does."

"Why does it hurt? She's not your mother any more."

"I keep thinking. If I hadn't...if I hadn't fought back. Then...none of this would have happened."

Her family would still be together.

They'd never have been torn apart.

"Do you think that?"

"I do...think that."

"Really?"

"...I do."

"Then that...is what you think," Oshino said. "No matter how much it weighs, you have to carry that burden. You can't make others carry it for you."

"Make others...?"

"Keep your eyes steady. Open your eyes...and look."

And...

Oshino opened his eyes.

Senjogahara did the same.

Torches in the corners.

Their flames flickering.

Our shadows...

...our shadows wavering.

Wobbling.

Swirling.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Senjogahara screamed.

Her head was still lowered, barely; her eyes wide like she could not believe them. Her body trembled. Sweat poured down her face.

She was panicking.

Senjogahara was panicking.

"Do you...see something?" Oshino said.

"I do. It's the same...a giant crab. I see a crab."

"Okay. I don't see a thing," he said, turning around and looking at me. "Can you see it, Araragi-kun?"

"...no."

All I could see...

Were flickering lights.

And writhing shadows.

Almost the same as seeing nothing.

I could not make it out.

"I can't...see much of anything."

"See?" Oshino turned back to Senjogahara. "You don't really see a crab, do you?"

"I do. Clearly. I can see it."

"A trick of the mind."

"No. It's here."

"Okay. Then..."

He followed her gaze.

As if there was something there.

As if there was something there.

"Then there's something you need to say."

"Say...?"

Then...

She must not have been thinking.

It wasn't a conscious choice, I'm sure.

But Senjogahara raised her head.

I suppose...

This was all too much for her.

Just a mistake.

But the reason for it didn't matter.

Human reasons didn't matter.

The instant she looked up, Senjogahara went flying backwards.

She was flung backwards.

Like she weighed nothing at all, her feet never touching the ground, very fast. Until she slammed into the chalkboard at the far end of the room.

Slammed into it...

...and stayed there.

Not falling.

Pinned to the wall.

Crucified.

"S-senjogahara!"

"Tch. I told you to shield her, Araragi-kun. You always did trip up when you were most needed. What are you standing there for?"

He looked disappointed. It had all happened in the blink of an eye, so I'm not sure I deserved it.

Senjogahara was plastered against the chalkboard as if gravity had changed direction.

Her body pressing into the wall.

Cracks had appeared on the wall around her.

Like she was being crushed against it.

She groaned, unable to scream.

In pain.

But I still couldn't see anything.

She was just plastered against the wall, held there by nothing. But she could see it.

The crab.

A giant crab.

The crab of burden.

"Oh well. Man, what a picky god. Hadn't even greeted the thing yet. What a nice guy. Did something good happen?"

"Uh...Oshino..."

"Yeah, yeah. Change of plans. No help for it. Either way works for me. Always did."

He sighed, and shuffled over to her.

Looking fed up.

Then he reached out...

...and grabbed the air a few inches from her face.

And yanked.

"Hokay," he muttered, and slammed whatever it was into the floor, hard, like a judo throw. There was no sound. No dust scattered. But he slammed it to the ground just as hard as it had Senjogahara -- maybe even harder. And without pausing for breath, he jumped on top of it.

Stomped on a god.

Violently.

Disrespectful and sacrilegious.

This pacifist was not in awe of any god.

".............."

From where I stood, it looked like Oshino was performing a mime routine. A particularly frenzied one. Currently he was standing on one leg, maintaining his balance perfectly. But to Senjogahara's eyes...

It must be quite a sight.

Her eyes had nearly popped out of her head.

Whatever was keeping her fixed to the wall must have let go, because she slid to the ground. It was not that far a fall, and she weighed next to nothing, so it would normally not have been much of an impact, but it took her completely by surprise, and she landed awkwardly.

"You okay?" Oshino called out, staring fixedly at his own feet.

His eyes narrowed, as if measuring the value of something.

"Crabs. No matter how big they are -- actually, the bigger the better -- once you flip them over, they're done for. Flat bodies were made to be stomped on, if you ask me. What do you say, Araragi-kun?" he asked. "We could start over. Would take time. Might be faster for me to just crush it."

"Crush it? Well...all she did was raise her head for a second."

"That's enough, though. More than enough. We're led by feelings, here. If we can't ask nicely, we've got to play a more dangerous game. Like we did with the demon and the cat. If words won't work, we have to fight. Same way governments work. If I crush it, well, her problem resolves. Technically. Can't recommend it; the root of the problem remains. Treating the symptoms. Like cutting a weed instead of digging it out. But maybe that's enough..."

"Maybe?"

"You see, Araragi-kun," Oshono said, grinning. "I really hate crabs."

Too hard to eat.

He leaned forward.

Putting his weight on it.

"Wait."

A voice behind him.

It belonged to Senjogahara.

Patting her grazed knees, she sat up.

"Wait. Please, Oshino-san."

"Wait?" he said, looking back at her.

His smile not fading.

"Wait for what?"

"I was just surprised," she said. "But I can do this. I can handle it."

"Hunh."

He did not take his foot away.

It kept the crab pinned down.

But he didn't crush it.

"Then go ahead."

And Senjogahara...

Did something I found extremely hard to believe. She knelt down, straightened up her back, put her hands on the floor, and slowly, with deep respect...bowed to the thing under Oshino's foot.

Her head nearly touched the floor.

Senjogahara Hitagi had voluntarily humbled herself before it.

Without anyone telling her to do so.

"I'm sorry."

First, she apologized.

"And...thank you."

Then, she expressed gratitude.

"But...it's gone on long enough. These are my feelings. My thoughts. My memories. I will take them back. I should never have lost them."

And finally...

"Please. Please. Give me back my weight. My burden."

Her last words were a prayer, a plea.

"Give my mother back to me."

With a thud, Oshino's foot hit the floor.

Not because he had stomped on it.

It was just not there any more.

As if it had never been there.

It was gone.

Oshino Meme said nothing. He just stood there.

Even though she knew it was gone, Senjogahara Hitagi did not sit up. She simply started crying. All Araragi Koyomi could do watch watch.

And begin to wonder if Senjogahara really, really, really was a tsundere.