Bakemonogatari: Hitagi Crab 005

Two hours later.

I was at Senjogahara's apartment, leaving Oshino and Shinobu behind in the abandoned cram school.

Senjogahara's home.

Tamikura-sou, it was called.

A two-story wooden apartment building, built thirty years ago. Tin mailboxes by the door. A shower and flush toilet included, grudgingly, in each apartment. One six-mat room with a tiny sink. Twenty minutes walk to the nearest bus stop. Rent ran from thirty to forty thousand, depending on the room (including upkeep, utilities, and neighborhood association fees.)

Not exactly what Hanekawa had led me to believe.

It must have shown on my face. Without me even asking, Senjogahara said, flatly, "My mother joined a cult."

Like that was an excuse.

She was clearly glossing over a lot.

"Not only did she hand over all our money to them, she ran up huge debts donating to them. Your house goeth before a fall."

"A cult?"

One of those dangerous new age 'religions.'

They all led to the same results.

"They finally agreed to divorce at the end of last year. My father got me, and we live here. At least, I do...but all the debt is in my father's name, so he's working night and day to pay it off, and almost never makes it home. I pretty much live here alone. With all the freedom that entails."

Sounded great.

"But the official address on the school rolls is the old one, still. Hanekawa-san wouldn't have known."

Um...

Shouldn't you change it?

"I prefer potential enemies not know where I live."

"Everyone's an enemy, hunh?"

Usually, that would sound like an exaggeration. But with a secret you were desperate to protect, it may well have been a reasonable level of caution.

"Senjogahara. When your mother joined this cult...was she trying to help you?"

"What an awful question," she laughed. "I don't know. Maybe not."

An awful answer.

Probably what I get for asking.

It had been an awful question. The thought alone made my stomach churn. I should not have asked, and because I did ask, Senjogahara was absolutely right to unleash the full power of her tongue.

Of course her family would have noticed their daughter no longer weighed anything. Especially her mother. Family wasn't like school, where we each owned a little space around our desks. If something terrible happened to your only daughter, you'd notice at once. And when the doctors had no idea who to help, and the tests went on and on, no one could blame her mother for seeking help in other places.

No, perhaps we could blame her.

It wasn't my place to say.

I shouldn't talk like I understood anything.

At any rate.

At any rate, there I was in Senjogahara's house, Tamikura-sou room 201, sitting on a cushion staring at the steam rising off the tea she'd given me.

Given her personality, I had assumed she'd make me wait outside, but she waved me inside, and even made tea. This came as something of a shock.

"I'm going to torture you."

"Um..."

"I meant welcome you."

"Right..."

"No, maybe I did mean torture."

"I much preferred welcome! No other option is acceptable! Not everyone can correct their own mistakes! Well done, Senjogahara-san!"

And that's all the conversation we really had. I wound up just sitting there, flustered. I couldn't very well admit I felt awkward entering the house of a girl I'd just met. All I could do was stare at my tea.

Senjogahara was taking a shower.

Cleansing her body, purifying herself.

Oshino had told her to wash her body in cold water, and then change clothes -- they didn't need to be new or anything, just clean.

And I had accompanied her back. She'd ridden my bike from school to Oshino's, so there was that, but Oshino had also left a few other instructions.

I looked around the room. It was really bare bones -- hard to believe a teenage girl lived here. I leaned back against the chest of drawers behind me.

Reflecting on Oshino's diagnosis.

When Senjogahara finished telling him of her condition, Oshino nodded, stared at the ceiling for a long moment, and finally said, "A Crab of Burden."

"And that is?" Senjogahara pressed.

"Folk legend in the mountains of Kyushu. Some places call it a Crab of Burden, some places a Heavy Crab, or a Deadweight Crab, some places even call it a God instead. Kami and Kani don't sound that different, after all. The details of it vary, but the one thing they all have in common is that they take away people's weight. People that meet them -- that meet them the wrong way -- it's like they don't exist the same way they used to."

"It changes the way you exist?"

You became fragile.

Delicate.

And more beautiful.

"In some cases, people cease to exist at all. If you go higher up the country there's something called the Rock of Burden, but I don't think they're related. One's a rock and one's a crab."

"So...is it really a crab?"

"You are dumb, Araragi-kun," Oshino sounded completely disgusted with me. "We're talking Miyazaki Prefecture...maybe Oita, too. They don't even have crabs. It's just a story. And things they don't come across often are easier to make shit up about. Just like it's easier to get worked up about delusions and gossip."

"Are crabs even all that Japanese?"

"You may have eaten the American kind. But you should read up on your old Japanese stories, Araragi-kun. You never heard The Crab and the Monkey? Russia has a famous story about a crab, and China has some too. Japan is no exception."

"Oh, right. I've heard that story. Or I've heard of it. But...why Miyazaki?"

"Who was it who got attacked by a vampire in a dozy country town? The place doesn't really matter. Only the conditions that were born there."

Although even Oshino admitted the local climate played a factor.

"Didn't have to be a crab, really. Could've been a rabbit. Some stories even have it as a beautiful woman -- not like Shinobu-chan or anything, but the stories exist."

"Hunh...like the patterns on the moon."

Were we calling her Shinobu-chan already?

Suddenly I felt sorry for her.

Once a legendary vampire...

Now addressed as -chan.

"But if you say you met a crab, then let's assume it was a crab. Most common type, after all."

"But what is it?" Senjogahara growled. "I don't give a crap what the thing is named."

"But you do. The name is everything. Like I just told Araragi-kun, they don't have crabs in the mountains of Kyushu. They have some up North, but not a lot of them made their way down to Kyushu."

"They have freshwater ones."

"Maybe so, but that's not the point."

"Then what is the point?"

"That it didn't used to be crabs. It used to be gods -- kami, not kani. The god of burden evolved into a crab. I mean, this is just my personal theory. Most people would assume it went the other way around. Or at least insist they were both around from the beginning."

"Either way, I've never heard of them."

"Of course you have," Oshino said. "You met one."

That silenced her.

"And it's still with you."

"Can you...see it?"

"I can't see anything," Oshino said, chuckling merrily. An inappropriately pleasant laugh, that clearly rubbed Senjogahara the wrong way.

It had a similar effect on me.

He was clearly mocking her.

"Isn't that your job?"

"Is it? The whole point of chimi-moryo is that no one can see them. Can't see them, can't touch them. That's only normal."

"Normal. But..."

"Ghosts ain't got legs, vampires don't have reflections, but that's not the point, is it? Things like that can't be pinned down. And tell me this, girl -- if no one can see them, and no one can touch them...do they exist?"

"Do they...you just said they did!"

"I did. But nobody can see then and nobody can touch them, then scientifically speaking, they don't exist. Doesn't matter if they're real or not."

That was his point.

Senjogahara did not seem satisfied.

It was sound logic, but not something she could just accept.

Not in her position.

"Well, girl, you may have bad luck, but you're on the lucky side of bad luck. Araragi-kun here didn't just meet his; he was attacked. And attacked by a vampire. Is there anything more embarrassing for modern man?"

Drop it.

Drop it now.

"You're much better off than he was."

"Why?"

"Because gods are everywhere. They're everywhere, and nowhere. It was with you before your present condition arrived...but you could also say it wasn't."

"Is that some sort of Zen?"

"Shindo. Shugendo, specifically," Oshino said. "You need to understand, girl. You didn't wind up like this because of something else. You just changed your point of view."

She was always like that.

Almost exactly what the doctors said, as they threw in the towel.

"My point of view? What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying, you need to stop acting like a victim, girl," Oshino snarled, sudden heat behind his words.

He'd been like this with me.

And like this with Hanekawa.

I was worried about how Senjogahara would react, but she didn't say a word.

She just accepted it.

This seemed to impress him a little. "Well done. Guess you aren't just a selfish little girl after all."

"What made you think I was?"

"Most people who encounter Crabs of Burden are. Not the kind of thing you can meet just by wanting to, and not the kind of god you can usually touch. Not like vampires."

You can't touch them?

If you can't touch them...they can't touch you?

"They don't possess you. They just exist. Unless you want a change, then nothing will change. Now, I'm not wanting to pry into other people's business. I don't want to help you, after all."

She would have to save herself.

Like Oshino always said.

"Stop me if you've heard this. It's an old story from overseas. Once upon a time, there was a young man. He was a good man. One day, this young man met a strange old man in the village. The old man asked the young man to sell him his shadow."

"His shadow?"

"Yeah. The shadow that sprang from his legs when the sun shone upon him. Sell it for ten coins. The young man did, without a second's thought. Sold his shadow for ten coins."

"...so?"

"What would you have done?"

"Dunno. Wouldn't know without that actually happening to me. Maybe I'd sell, maybe I wouldn't. Depends on the price."

"That's the right answer. If I asked you which was more important, your money or your life, well...that question's wrong to begin with. 'Money' doesn't mean anything. There's a big difference between one yen and a trillion. One is worth more than the other. Life means more to some people than it does to others. All life is equal? I loathe the very idea. Anyway, this young man didn't think his shadow was worth more than ten coins. Who would he? What would you miss out on, if you had no shadow? What problems could that possibly cause?"

Oshino shuddered.

"But once he lost his shadow, everyone in town, even his family, hated him. He couldn't get along with anybody. Having no shadow...was creepy. Of course it was. Hella creepy. Shadows themselves can be pretty creepy, but not having a shadow is even more creepy. The absence of something you're supposed to have. In other words, the young man had sold something he was meant to have...for ten coins."

He let that hang for a moment.

"The young man went looking for the old man, to get his shadow back. But no matter where he went, no matter who he asked, he never did find the man. The end."

"So," Senjogahara said, not batting an eye. "What of it?"

"Well, nothing, really. Just thought it might be a story that struck a chord with you. The young man may have sold his shadow, but you lost your weight."

"I didn't sell it."

"No. You did not. You traded it. Losing your weight may not be as big a problem as losing your shadow...but it causes just as many problems, socially. That's it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm done talking," he said, and clapped his hands, once. "Okay. If you'd like to get your weight back, then I'll do what I can. Araragi-kun introduced you, after all."

"You'll help me?"

"I will not. I'll just do what I can," Oshino said, glancing at his watch. On his left wrist. "Sun's still out, so head on home. Wash your body in cold water, put on some clean clothes. Got some preparations on my end. If you're in Araragi-kun's class, you're probably a pretty serious student, so I should ask...are you able to come out at night?"

"Yes. If the occasion demands."

"Then we'll meet up again here at the stroke of midnight."

"Fine. By clean clothes, you mean...?"

"Don't need to be new. Not your uniform, though. You wear that every day."

"And what do I owe you?"

"Mm?"

"Don't play dumb. You're not doing this on a volunteer basis."

"Oh, hmm..." Oshino glanced over me, as if appraising me. "Well, if that makes you feel better about it, then a hundred thousand yen."

"A hundred thousand," she said, as if confirming it.

"Work part time at a fast food place a month or two, and you ought to earn that much easily. Seems fair."

"Quite a bargain, compared to mine."

"Is it? I charged the class president a hundred grand as well."

"And you charged me five million!"

"Well, you were a vampire."

"You can't blame everything on vampires! Who cares if they're trendy right now!"

"Can you pay?" he asked, ignoring my cries.

"Of course," she said. "No matter what I have to do."

And then...

Two hours later, in her room.

Senjogahara's apartment.

I looked around again.

A hundred thousand yen might not be that much normally, but judging from the state of her room, it was probably quite a lot to Senjogahara.

A chest of drawers, a tea table, and a little bookcase. That was it. For all the books she read, there were surprisingly few in her room. She must get the bulk of them from used book stores and libraries.

Like an impoverished student.

Which, I suppose, Senjogahara was.

She'd said she was attending school on a scholarship.

Oshino had suggested Senjogahara was luckier than me, but I had my doubts.

Certainly, her life wasn't in the same kind of danger, and she was less of a danger to those around her -- few things came close to vampires on those two fronts. I lost track of how many times I'd wished I'd just died instead, and that was an easy trap to fall back into, even now.

So, yeah.

Senjogahara might be on the lucky side of bad luck. But in light of how Hanekawa had described her life in junior high, it was really hard to see it that way.

It definitely wasn't a fair comparison.

Hanekawa...how did Hanekawa Tsubasa compare?

There was a woman with a powerfully strange experience.

I was attacked by a demon, Senjogahara met a crab, and Hanekawa was transfixed by a cat. Over Golden Week. What transpired was so overwhelming it felt like something in the distant past. But it had only been a few days before.

Although Hanekawa herself retained no memories of Golden Week. All she really knew was that Oshino had managed to take care of it some how, so perhaps she had no real grasp of just how bad things had been. But I remembered everything.

It was an absolute mess.

Even after surviving the demon. I had never imagined a cat could possibly be more terrifying than a demon.

Again, in light of risk to life and limb, Hanekawa's experience was worse than Senjogahara's. But in light of how long Senjogahara had suffered in silence, things weren't that simple.

It all mattered.

It was all worth considering.

How bad did things have to be for you to consider kindness the act of an enemy?

The young man who sold his shadow.

The girl who lost her weight.

I could never know.

I could never hope to understand.

"Done with my shower," Senjogahara said, stepping out of the bathroom.

Naked.

I shrieked, cowering.

"Move aside. I can't reach my clothes."

Senjogahara pointed at the chest of drawers behind me. She appeared to be more annoyed by her wet hair than she was concerned about me seeing her.

"Put some clothes on!"

"I plan to."

"You plan to!?"

"Would you prefer I didn't?"

"Why haven't you already!?"

"I forgot to bring some in with me."

"Then wrap a towel around yourself or something!"

"Ew, that would just be sad."

I didn't know how she could be so blasé about it.

It was plain as day there was no point in arguing the point, so I scooted out of the way, and plunked myself down in front of the bookshelf, studiously counting the spines in front of me. Trying to focus my gaze and my thoughts.

Augh.

I'd never seen a naked woman before...not in real life, anyway.

It wasn't quite what I'd imagined. I still maintain I had pretty grounded ideas about what it would be like, but what I'd imagined was not this...stark nudism, this frank indifference.

"Clean clothes...you suppose white is better?"

"No idea."

"All my underwear has patterns."

"None of my business!"

"I'm just asking for advice. No need to get so loud. Honestly, it's like you're going through menopause."

I heard the drawer open.

Clothing rustled.

This was bad.

It was burned into my brain. It wouldn't go away.

"Araragi-kun. You aren't turned on by me being naked, are you?"

"If I hypothetically was, it would not be my fault."

"Go ahead and lay a single finger on me. I hear biting off tongues is always fatal."

"Yes, yes, you're very protective of your body."

"I was planning on biting your tongue."

"That is duly terrifying."

Sheesh.

She seemed incapable of seeing the situation from my point of view.

Was it impossible for any human being to understand another?

Was this a notion I should just learn to accept?

"Don't worry, you can look now."

"Okay. Good."

I turned around.

She was still in her underwear.

Not even wearing socks.

"What are you trying to accomplish here!?"

"What do you think? I'm rewarding you for your help today. Be happy."

"...................."

A reward?

Baffling.

I'd rather have an apology.

"Be happy!"

"Now you're mad!?"

"Manners dictate you express an opinion!"

"A-an opinion?"

Manners?

How should I answer?

Um...

"Y-you have a great body...?"

"...pathetic."

She gave me the sort of look usually reserved for rotting refuse.

But with a trace of pity.

"You'll always be a virgin."

"I'll always be...? Did you come from the future!?"

"Try not to spit. Virginity is catching."

"It's not a disease!"

Once lost, it never came back.

"For that matter, why have we simply assumed that I'm a virgin?"

"Because you are. No child would ever sleep with you."

"Two objections! First, I am not a pedophile! Secondly, I definitely think I could find a few if I looked hard enough!"

"If the first is true the second can't be."

".............."

Good point.

"But I admit it was presumptuous of me."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"If you've used a professional..."

"Okay, okay, I admit it! I'm a virgin!"

The most humiliating thing I had ever confessed to.

Senjogahara seemed very pleased.

"You should have said so in the first place. You've used up half the luck the rest of your life had allotted to it, so keep still and appreciate."

"Are you secretly a shinigami?"

Make a deal with a shinigami, see a naked girl.

Best shinigami eyes ever.

"Don't worry," she said. As she spoke, she took a white shirt out from her chest of drawers, and put it on over the light blue bra. It seemed ridiculous to count the books on her shelf again, so I just watched. "I won't tell Hanekawa-san."

"Hanekawa...?"

"You have a one-sided crush on her, right?"

"Not true."

"Oh? You talk so often I simply assumed. Hence the leading question."

"Who uses leading questions in real life?"

"Hush. Do you wish to be erased?"

"Just how much power do you wield?"

I was a bit surprised to hear Senjogahara had actually paid that much attention to the rest of us. I'd actually wondered if she even knew I was class vice-president. Or maybe she had just assumed we would one day be her enemies, and scouted us.

"It's less that we talk and more than she keeps talking to me."

"Who do you think you are? Are you trying to imply Hanekawa-san has a crush on you?"

"That's absolutely not true," I said. "Hanekawa is just...looking after me. She's a busybody, really. Overprotective. She's got this hilarious idea that it's worth feeling sorry for losers. And she wants to help fix them."

"That is a hilarious idea," Senjogahara said. "Losers are losers because they were born stupid."

"...I wouldn't say that."

"But it's written on your face."

"It is not!"

"I thought you'd say that, so I wrote it there a moment ago."

"Nobody's that prepared!"

Frankly.

I didn't need to say much here; Senjogahara should understand Hanekawa as well as I did. Judging by what she'd told me after school, Hanekawa was paying more than a little attention to Senjogahara.

But perhaps that explained it.

"Oshino-san helped Hanekawa-san too?"

"Mm. Yeah."

Senjogahara finished buttoning her shirt, and proceeded to don a white cardigan on top of it. Apparently she planned to fully dress her upper body before putting anything else on the lower half. I suppose everyone had different ways of getting dressed. Senjogahara did not seem at all concerned that I was watching. Actually, she seemed to have deliberately placed herself in front of me.

"Hmm."

"So...I mean, you can trust him. He's not the most serious guy in the world; jaunty and cavalier and what have you, but he knows his stuff. Don't worry. You don't have to take my word for it. He did the same with Hanekawa."

"So you say, Araragi-kun," Senjogahara said. "But I'm afraid I only half trust him. I have been tricked too many times."

"..............."

Five people had said the same thing.

They'd all been liars.

And...

That did not seem like the end of it.

"Even the hospital -- I only go out of inertia. Honestly, I've pretty much given up."

"Given up...?"

What had she given up?

What had she cast aside?

"This world may be bizarre, but it has neither Mugen Mamiya or Kudan Kumiko."

"....................."

"The best it can manage is Touge Miroku," Senjogahara said, voice dripping with disgust. "So Araragi, I'm simply not carefree enough to cheerily accept that I just happened to slip on the stairs and the classmate that just happened to catch me just happened to have been bit by a vampire over spring break and the person who just happened to save him also just happened to help the class president and now he just happens to be attempting to help me."

And with that, Senjogahara began taking off her cardigan.

"Finally you had some clothes on -- why are you taking them off again?"

"I forgot to dry my hair."

"Are you actually a bit of an idiot?"

"Don't be rude. What if you hurt my feelings?"

Her dryer looked expensive.

Apparently she took pains towards her appearance.

Looking her over again, even her underwear was carefully chosen. It was odd how what had, a day before, been a major focus controlling a significant portion of my thoughts now seemed like little more than a few scraps of cloth. I shed a silent tear inside.

"Carefree...?"

"I'm not that."

"Maybe. But what if you were?" I said. "What if you were carefree?"

"................"

"It's not a bad thing to be. You've got nothing to hide, after all. Just be confident, like you are now."

"Like I am now?" Senjogahara said, baffled.

Apparently she was unaware just how amazing her performance here had been.

"It's not a bad thing...?"

"Is it?"

"Suppose not," she said. Then, "But I might be hiding something."

"Mm?"

"Never mind."

With her hair finally dry, she put the dryer down, and began putting clothes on again. Since she'd put them on over wet hair, her first outfit was damp, so she hung the shirt and cardigan up on hangers, and began hunting through her chest of drawers for something else.

"In my next life," Senjogahara said. "I want to be Sergeant Major Kululu."

"..................."

This seemed like a non sequitor, yet it also made a certain kind of sense.

"I know what you want to say. That seemed like a non sequitor, and you don't see why I would."

"Uh, about half right."

"Thought so."

"I mean, at the least, you could have said Lance Corporal Dororo."

"His trauma switch hits a little too close to home."

"Okay, but..."

"No buts. Or mutts."

"Mutts?"

I couldn't even work out what she'd mistaken that for.

I'd totally lost track of her larger point as well.

Presumably she agreed, since she immediately changed the subject.

"May I ask you something, Araragi-kun? Not anything important."

"Okay."

"What did you mean by 'patterns on the moon'?"

"Hunh? When did I say that?"

"Earlier. To Oshino-san."

"Um..."

Oh.

Now I remembered.

"Right, Oshino was going on about it being a crab or a rabbit or a beautiful woman -- those. In Japan people generally say it looks like a rabbit with mochi but other countries have it as a crab or a woman's face in profile, or so on."

I hadn't verified this in person, but so I'd heard. Senjogahara appeared to have never come across the information before.

"I'm astonished you bothered retaining such useless information. For the first time ever, you've actually managed to impress me."

With useless information.

Kind of a backhanded compliment.

I decided to show off.

"I know a lot about astronomy and space. I was pretty into it for a while."

"Don't bother bragging to me. I see right through it. It's not like you know anything else."

"Words can hurt, you know."

"Then call the word police."

"..............."

Even the real police were no match for her.

"I do know things! Like, um, for example, do you know why there's a rabbit on the moon?"

"There is no rabbit on the moon, Araragi-kun. You're in high school now, you should know these things."

"Say there is."

Wait, was that right?

Say there was?

Confusing.

"Once upon a time there was a god, or a Buddha maybe...same difference. There was a god, and for that god a rabbit threw itself onto a fire, and burned to death -- sacrificing itself to the god. This god was touched by this act of self-sacrifice, and put the rabbit on the moon so we'd never forget it."

I'd just seen the story on TV as a kid, and I didn't remember it all that well, so it wasn't exactly an exhaustive bit of knowledge, but I had the gist of it.

"Wow, that god is a prick. Made a mockery of that poor rabbit."

"That's not really the point."

"And the rabbit too -- you can totally see it trying to get on god's side by sacrificing itself. Scheming little shit."

"It's really not about that."

"Well, I certainly can't understand it," she snapped, and started taking off her clothes again.

"Okay, you're really just flaunting your body at me, aren't you?"

"I don't have a body worth flaunting. It was just inside out and backwards."

"That's quite an accomplishment."

"I'll admit I'm not great at getting dressed."

"You're like a child."

"No. They're heavy."

"Erp."

Missed that one.

If her shoes were heavy, her clothes would be too.

At ten times their regular weight, clothes were not to be trifled with.

I was ashamed.

It had been a careless remark, completely lacking in tact.

"I might get tired of this but I do not get used to it. But you are more learned than I expected, Araragi-kun. Allow me to express mild surprise. There may actually be a brain inside your skull."

"Of course there is."

"Of course...? That a brain can form inside the skull of your ilk is a miracle."

"Now you're just being mean."

"Don't worry, I'm just stating the truth."

"At least one person in this room clearly deserves to die."

"? Hoshina-sensei isn't here."

"Did you just wish death upon our beloved homeroom teacher?"

"Is the crab the same?"

"Hunh?"

"Did a crab throw itself on the fire like the rabbit?"

"Oh, um, no, I don't know the crab's story. Must have one somewhere. Never thought about it. Because the moon has seas?"

"The moon has no seas. And you seemed so sure you were saying something clever."

"Eh? It doesn't? But they --"

"Your knowledge of astronomy astounds. They are only seas in name."

"Oh."

Hmm.

I guess I couldn't compete with actual smart people.

"So your true identity is revealed, Araragi-kun. It was sloppy of me to expect anything but ignorance from you."

"You really do think I'm an idiot, don't you?"

"How did you know!?"

"You seem genuinely surprised!"

She thought she'd hidden it?

Really?

"This is all my fault. Because of me, you have realized what a mess your little mind is. I feel responsible."

"Hang on a minute, am I really this abysmally dumb?"

"Never fear. I do not judge people by their grades."

"You've already judged what mine are!"

"Try not to spit. Bad grades are catching."

"Look, we go to the same school."

"But will both of us graduate?"

"Erp..."

That was actually in doubt.

"I will move on to grad school. You will drop out of high school."

"I'm third year! I just have to finish it out!"

"Yet soon you will be begging me to let you quit, tears running down your cheeks."

"I've never heard anyone talk like that outside of manga!"

"Compare standard scores. Mine is 74."

"Argh."

She'd already won.

"Only 46."

"That rounds down to zero."

"What? No it doesn't, it's a six...wait, you're rounding down the tens place! What have you done to my standard score!?"

She had me beat by nearly thirty but had to whip the corpse!

"I don't feel I've won unless the margin is at least a hundred."

"You've rounded your own tens place, too!?"

Ruthless.

"Good, from now on, please remain at least twenty thousand kilometers away from me at all times."

"I've been banished from the Earth!?"

"Did that god even bother eating the rabbit?"

"Hunh? Oh, back to the story. Did he eat it? If the story covered that, it would be pretty grisly."

"It already is."

"I dunno. I'm stupid, remember?"

"Don't sulk. You might make me less happy."

"You have no pity at all, do you?"

"Pitying you will not bring peace to this world."

"If you can save a single soul, don't start talking globally! Extend a helping hand to those in front of you! I'm sure you can do it!"

"Okay, all done."

Senjogahara was now wearing a white tank top, a white jacket, and a white flare skirt.

"If this all goes well, a trip to Hokkaido to eat crab is in order."

"We can eat crab without going to Hokkaido, and it's out of season anyway, but if you want to, then go ahead."

"You're coming too."

"Why!?"

"Didn't you know?" Senjogahara smiled. "Crab is delicious."